Saying Goodbye

This is a post from an older blog that I have been looking for and it just came up on my Facebook memories. This was written when I found out my OB was moving. Daniel and I dealt with infertility for 6 very long years before Noah was conceived. That is 6 years of baby shower after baby shower (seriously, if you knew our church you would understand. There is usually 5-8 women pregnant at a time). 6 years of watching mothers choose drugs over their children. 6 years of watching all of the baby dedications. 6+ years of raising other people’s children. 6 years of fighting the “why me?” And celebrating the “I’m so glad He chose you to have a child” instead. I love celebrating children. They are a gift! No matter if you adopt or do finally meet your child with the miracle of birth, it is a gift! So I choose to celebrate.

Here is our story…
Ok, guys, I know that I am a cheesy sappy person, but I had to say goodbye to a very special person today. Let me start out by telling you our journey. Maybe then you will understand how significant this is to me.

Daniel and I have been married now for 10 years. After our first two years of marriage we started to get pretty eager to start a family. It wasn’t like we were passionately pursuing the baby thing, but we were excited to see when God would start blessing us with children. The joke was, we were going to have at least 12, and name them after the 12 tribes of Judah…just in two shots, though…two sets of 6. See, we weren’t serious, but we were very hopeful and excited!

Soon the whole baby thing became a worrisome thing. Nothing was happening. We were getting involved at our ministry by then, and soon God started blessing us with children and more children. It helped to fill a void…but being a mom and not being called a mom was beginning to wear on my heart a little. Finally I decided to go and see a doctor.

What an awful experience.

I called one on the phone, and her nurse just broke my heart. Her words were something like…”you can’t have an appointment here until you are 8 weeks along.” I cried out “how can I be 8 weeks along when I can’t get in to her see what is wrong!” The doctor there was no better. Just wait and if it happens it happens. The hope was disappearing. I finally decided after a lot of praying to go to a friend’s doctor that had just had a miracle baby. She was curt, professional and decided that I DID in fact have something wrong, and immediately started giving me medication. EXPENSIVE medication not covered on insurance. I was so embarrassed and hopeless (and broke) and after about 3 months we just stopped.

I waited a year or so and decided to see another doctor. He just basically did the same thing…medicine, see me later. The problem was that he prescribed the medicine wrong. I had already done a couple of rounds of this stuff (did I say expensive?) and didn’t want to do it wrong. I quit again.

Yes, I realize that this struggle was partly my fault because I kept quitting. I was so heartbroken and fearful, though, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. There were many times at church that we would sing some song about giving our desires to God that I had to walk out and gather myself. I knew somehow I was going to have a baby, I just had to wait.

6 years.

I went to a doctor for an exam (just a “make sure I am well” exam) and asked her about what I should do. I started crying and this Dr. was a Christian. She prayed with me there in the office and then gave me a new Dr.’s name.

I didn’t want to call. I didn’t want to be shot down again. I didn’t want to go through the pain of being told once and for all that in-vitro or adoption was the only way. I prayed and prayed and prayed. The first visit was good. She sat down with me and listened to me, and then decided to run some tests. The next visit she again sat down with me and had all of my charts from the other doctors and compared notes and actually explained things to me. I could actually wrap my brain around what she was saying. Then, in a matter of fact way, she said, “Well, I don’t think you have anything wrong with you…this shouldn’t take long at all.”

I could have burst right there. Hope? Real live hope? She did prescribe some medication for me, one the same as before, but the other one was new. It couldn’t be generic, either, but didn’t cost us the downpayment on a house. Daniel and I left with those scripts in my hand, a full understanding of what was happening and a lighter step. Could it be? Could this be all it takes for God to work? I know that God is a healer, but he also created some to be healers. He was working through this doctor for both Daniel and I.

Three months later and there it was. POSITIVE. I screamed for Daniel to come to our room. We cried and hugged and cried and hugged some more. The 6 year journey was coming to an end. Oh, I wanted to tell everyone. It was a Sunday morning, so telling the church would have been so easy. Everyone had been praying for us for soooo long. Who did we tell first? HA! Al Denson. So funny he was there leading worship for church that day. We could tell him and know one would know! He knew of our struggles, understood the pain, waiting for his little guy for 12 years.

God is so good.

So, Dr. Mona, you are amazing, and worth a trip an hour away to go and say goodbye to. You worked as a vessel of God and didn’t even know it. I pray that your move is smooth, your girls adjust well to the new school and your schedule wouldn’t be too crazy. I also pray that the nurses and receptionists will be patient with you as you take your time to sit with your patients and calm their fears and answer the pages of questions they have for you. (I always had a notebook). I also pray that you never give up letting a new mom experience the joy bringing a child into the world like you did me. I thank Jesus that you were there for me and caring enough that when I woke up in recovery you had pictures of my little boy there for me to look at. That was so kind and tenderhearted.

That’s why this day was so significant for me. Without her kindness, patience and skill I wouldn’t have this amazing little boy named Noah. This is the doctor that gave me hope when I had none. This was the doctor that God chose to show me His awesome power through.
Eliza at 9:24 PM

2 Replies to “Saying Goodbye”

  1. You are so lucky your story had a happy ending. Our’s didn’t. But even though we were never blessed with children, we were blessed with each other.

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